did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
