I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
