How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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