she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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