Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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