My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
