you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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