I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
