I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
