His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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