Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
