We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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