the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
