It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize