put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
