Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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