I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
