I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize