Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
