the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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