is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
