I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
