it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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