talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
