Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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