I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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