It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
