The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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