After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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