when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
