My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
