Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
