Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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