We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize