yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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