I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
