I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
