the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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