Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
