4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
