Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
