and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
