After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
