i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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