No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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