I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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