Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's blow job season.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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