Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize