i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
