SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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