If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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