I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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