that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize