someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
