Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
