do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
