Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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