I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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