Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
