Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
