yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My dick has a subreddit
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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