there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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