how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is it because I queefed?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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