You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize