Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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