His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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