I will die if light touches me.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
