i think i have two assholes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
