I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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