i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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