remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
