Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have aggressive nipples.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
